Butterbeer Caps
by Rashaka
Summary: Luna Lovegood drabbles, no order or connection. 4 new chapters!
1. Past: Assort

Assort

       I think I should like to be in Hufflepuff," she announced before the hat had even settled properly on her brow. Consideration.__

       _ "Although your loyalty and determination are indeed commendable, **I** think putting you in Hufflepuff would be...lacking in foresight."_

       "You do not have foresight; you are a hat." Reason.

       _ "Indeed, indeed, Ms. Lovegood. Tricky quandary. Isn't that always the way of things?"_

       "Often." Acknowledgement. "Hufflepuff will do nicely." Assertiveness.

       _ "Hmm...no, I think not."_

       "Why?" Exasperation. 

       _ "Your spirit would do as well in any one house as in any other. But while in Hogwarts you reside, House Ravenclaw will be your pride."_

_._


	2. Tall Tale

**Tall Tale**

        "I once played with faeries."

        "Sure."

        "They were mean creatures, but had talent for slapstick."

        "That's nice."

        "It wasn't really.  That's why it happened."

        "What?"

        "Well, I stepped on one."

        "Sounds terr—wait, you _stepped_ on a faerie?"

        "Not intentionally.  They stopped playing after, so I can't give you any proof."

        "Who says I want proof?  Or anyone else."

        "I assumed from what ---"

        "Well don't assume.  Don't do anything, in fact.  Just... disappear."

       The young girl disappeared on the very spot, never to be heard from again.  All the other girls in her house cried... but only for a little while.


	3. Misconceptioncrush

**Misconceptioncrush**

       Luna stared intently at the table across the way.  A boy there interested her, but in a way she hadn't settled on yet.  It could be his shiny hair.  It could be his teeth—they were very straight.  

       It might also have been his affectation of a commanding air and the way he paraded around the Hall, deliberately exaggerating his authority, making ridiculous insults and starting mock fights.  

       Luna thought it a fine joke.  And he did it every day!  She'd even seen him try his performance on a professor.  He was so good at it that the others just naturally played along perfectly.

.


	4. World View

**World View  
  
**

       The sky sparkled like silver glitter on felt, and the moon hid behind the watercolor-blue mountains like bashful ingénue.  Music like liquefied rainbows swirled through the air and wrapped itself around two humans walking across the field. They clasped hands and blinked shyly, while the wet grass made spongy noises beneath their feet.  A Tasmanian whippoorwill called out from the Forbidden Forest as the humans approached, and the two giggled, fingers squeezing affectionately.  Thestrals did tricks like surfers in the glitter sky.

        "Something always seems different when I'm walking with you," Harry said. "But I can never tell what."

.


	5. Diary

**Diary  
  
**

       Dear Diary,

                Strange and arbitrary things happened today.  At breakfast someone jinxed plate to make all the food that touched it turn a mud green color.  Ate it anyway—tasted faintly of oranges.

                Received a grade for project in Potions.  Professor Snape is still behaving poorly to the Gryffindors, and he's been frowning in direction more frequently as of late. Nevertheless, his written grading system is impeccable.  Also, he crosses all his 'K' s with a twirl.  Like that.

                Before forget:  yesterday joined Harry Potter's secret paramilitary organization.  Is he planning a coup?  Will continue to observe.

       Quixotically yours,

             Luna

.


	6. Author's Notes

**Author's Notes  
  
**

                Am glad you are enjoying this ficlet so far.  This brief chapter is set aside for long overdue disclaimers and acknowledgments.

**Daine**,** Phoenix of the Stars**,** striped-jaguar**,**oompaloompa, **and**helga3**,you guys are great.  Thank you all for your generous reviews!  **Michelle_31a**, you're officially new HPverse best friend, ok?  No more innuendo: it is now official.  Even if it's one sided, am perfectly content to stalk and harass you anyway.  Am also desperately waiting for more 'Luna's Year.'

                The concept for a fanfic consisting entirely of drabbles was lifted from the Trigun fanfiction called "Donut Sprinkles," though none of drabbles here should in any way resemble the drabbles of that fic (different characters, different situations, different everything.)  Just thought the idea of drabbles collected sounded fun, and do-able while so often busy with RealLife.  Believe in giving credit where credit, however minor, is due.  "Donut Sprinkles" is highly recommended and can be found on this website under Anime à Trigun.

                As you may notice, these drabbles will vary between comical, romantic, and dark.  Luna's character lends itself to whimsical ironic comedy more than anything else, but like to experiment with variety.  Will also experiment with different Luna pairings, though canon preference is H/L.  But as have already said—variety!

                Many of these drabbles will contradict each other.    Their lack on continuity will bring hives to the organized reader.  Some will be out of character, and some will make no sense.  Hey, this is a Luna Lovegood fanfiction after all.  Sense is a mildly annoying bonus feature, not a requisite.   That's it for authors notes on this fic.  Hope you continue to enjoy and share your opinions.

       Quixotically yours,

             Rashaka


	7. Past: Thievery of Consequences

**A Thievery of Far-Reaching Consequences  
  
**

       As a little witch, Luna adored horror stories.  She told them in class to the other kids, made up her own and charmed them to be recited aloud by her doll at the dinner table.  Her parents always seemed impressed.  

      When she was old enough to read, she began to draw her ideas from her mother's notes.  With Secret Agent fingers and British Princess entitlements Luna sifted through forbidden pages, learning words, spells, stories to tell. _ Render_.  _Eclipse_.  _Soul-eater_.

     Watching her mother die cured Luna of the desire to write scary stories.  She never dreamed how vital those stolen words would become.

.


	8. Seven Minutes In A Closet

**Seven Minutes In A Closet**

            The door banged shut with the weight of three teenage boys behind it, and Ron inched into a corner of the darkness and groaned.

            The girl opposite him shuffled her feet.  

             "You're touching my knee!" he yelped.

            "Wonder what we ought to do now," she mumbled.

            "Nothing," Ron sulked, pretending their shoulders weren't touching in the blackness.

            "You're not enjoying this game," she said.

            "It's a stupid game!"

            "You seemed very interested when you were convincing Susan Bones to join."

            "Because I didn't think I'd be st—" At the last moment he remembered his upbringing, and shut his mouth.

.


	9. Future: The Great War

**The Great War**

        The sextet bounded down to the dungeons, wands raised, and slid to a halt in front of a cell containing a pale, fancy-dressed boy.  They stared.

        "Did you reject service to the Death Eaters and reform on the principle of self-determination?" Hermione questioned hopefully, eyes on the prisoner's supernaturally silver hair, and Harry jumped in.

        "Did they get angry at your rebellion of thousands of years of Malfoy tradition and lock you away?"

        Luna's gaze slid past Draco's glare to land on the teddy bear leaning against the bed pillows in the cell.  

        "No, I believe it was his mother."

.


	10. Elephant In The Room

**Elephant In The Room**

        "Luna," Neville said, head down as he stepped into the otherwise empty dorm, "I got over. As soon as I could."

        The blond girl examined him, and nodded.  Biting his lip, Neville sat on the clothing chest opposite the bed, hands folded over his knees.  Luna took a seat on the edge of the bed and faced him, eyes wide and pale.  She fingered the promise ring on her middle right finger.

        "We need to t-talk," the Gryffindor boy began.  "About us."

        "If you think so," Luna said.  She looked back at him unblinkingly.

        The two sat in crushing silence.

.


	11. Future: The End

This was already posted as a single, but I feel it fits with these, since it is about Luna.  In a way.  
-

**The End**

        It happened in an alley, out of moonlight and out of magic. Knees bled onto gravel, and boots crunched that gravel into seeping wet ground, surrounded by dirty automobiles and old Tijuana brick oozing rainwater. Only a moldy street lamp shined on the face of the runaway, and only a single man was there to see it.  
  
        "Tell me, Potter, as you kneel here with my wand at your third eye, what are you thinking?"  
  
        "Honestly?" Harry replied, "That I should have kissed Luna Lovegood when I had her under the mistletoe in fifth year."  
  
        Draco laughed once, and struck.


	12. Past: Lesson

**Lesson**

         "Why can't I go to a muggle university when I grow up?"

         "We've been through this, Luna.  You are a witch and have to learn what witches need to know, not muggles.  You can play with muggle devices to your heart's content—I'll even get you're a new one for your 10th birthday, I promise—but if I were not get to you properly educated... it's out of the question."

         "Mother would have let me do it!"

        It was a long time before her father replied.  "Luna," he said, "Do not use her memory to go against me again, ever."

.


	13. Past: Seeing

                                                                                          Seeing  
  


       Saara was a first-year muggleborn with yellow skin and a mouth that pinched at the corners when she smiled.  Today she stood alone on the strange platform and tried to ignore the girl on the bench.  She sat with a magazine in front of her face and feet pointed inward.  Occasionally she would lower the magazine, staring from beneath straw colored hair at the other students that passed them by.  The others, like Saara, wore normal robes and carried normal bags.   

       Every time this girl raised her head and turned to catch her eye Saara shuddered. Unlike the others who were born to magic but looked more like church children, to Saara's muggle-trained eyes this girl evoked only one thought:_ witch_.

.__


	14. The Rejected

                                                           ** The Rejected**

          It was  a lovely day at Hogwarts, with clear blue skies refined by morning dew. Birds sang, children laughed, and the worries of war seemed far away, eclipsed by the earnest questions of "Who are you taking to the Ball?" and "What do you think we got on the group project for Hagrid?" and "What's for breakfast?"  For once, all seemed right in the world.

          A voice, loud, clear and full of tearful self-righteousness, rang through the halls and corridors.

           "I'm so sorry, Hermione… I JUST CAN'T DATE ANYONE WHO REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE VAST GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY AGAINST TOOTH FAIRIES!"

.


	15. Old Man

**Old Man**  
(a special 3.5x drabble)

          This is Greyson Lovegood.  He is a studious man, not altogether funny or particularly charming.  At first people never quite believe him when he tells them that he is _that_ Lovegood, because he doesn't seem as jovial as they'd imagined, and is hardly as gregarious as his child.  His largish eyes are set almost abnormally in a face that is not pixie-like and small, but in fact round and awkwardly constructed.  His nose is too long, and his mouth is too wide.  Yet this amalgamation of fumbling genetics somehow creates a visage that's not entirely unbecoming, and when combined with hair that goes perpetually untended to he manages at moments to still appear the hermit-like university student he hasn't been in over 20 years.  He's always told his daughter not to worry too much when people teased her appearance, because she would look like a queen when they were old and crinkly.  Lovegood genes, he reminded her in his thoughtful, even voice, may not be glitzy, but they were tenacious.

          Aging among wizards was a capricious and curious process… some did it normally, some barely did it all.  Some went with no change for decades, then all of a sudden the years would catch up to them like a railroad train bearing down.  The majority of wizards lived average life spans comparable to muggles, and most of those that did slow down for a while did so they were old men and women, not unlike that famous headmaster of Hogwart's.  Every once in a while there was the odd wizard or witch that got the process skewed due to a poorly prepared potion or leftover magic, and it was generally assumed that people like Luna's father's family had an ancestor in their line guilty of the same.  No one asked however, because as with most intelligencia cultures, wizardfolk could be unpredictably sensitive about the issue.  Youth and beauty did not always make up for the embarrassment that it had happened at all.

          Greyson Lovegood was fifty-two and looked in his late-thirties.  Some days he would stare at the bathroom mirror, think about his dead wife, and wonder why the reflection did not look a hundred.


	16. …And Really Bad Eggs

**…And Really Bad Eggs  
**(special 2.5x drabble… I have no excuse for this.  I was watching One Piece.)

         Canons rang out over the high seas that legendary morning, coming perilously close to doing damage to the fine ship _Lucky Loon_.

          "Oh captain, my captain!" able seaman Neville shouted from the crow's nest, "The Navy has us in their sights!"  He blew a conch shell to sound the alarm.

         The Fearsome Pirates of the Moon lined the deck facing the enemy ship, swords high.  The Captain shouted over the water.  "Avast!   I am Pirate Queen Lovegood!  Who be you, crab-legged landlopers?"

         Two tall skinny blokes in matching feathered hats shouted back indignantly.

          "Landlopers?!  **We** be Her Majesty Hermione's Royal Navy—" the one on the left yelled.

          "—And we be here to arrest your **arse**!" the one on the right finished, gesturing dramatically.

         For a second the Pirate Queen panicked.  After all, she had lent her warships to her nephew young Draco, and was taking her week off to go sightseeing for sea monsters.  It would be frightfully embarrassing to be taken by that jerk Queen Hermione's commodores on only an unarmed tourist schooner.  Then she had an idea, and whispered for crewman Bones to go wake her boyfriend up.  After all, she was a pirate and that meant she could cheat.

         "Listen foul pawns of Her Vile & UnMajestic, this day was passing wonderfully but a few minutes ago, and if you dare fire those guns at my boat again, I shall have the swordsman Harold the Bloody board your vessel and cut you all to pieces!  Savvy?"

         The two red-coated commodores across the way communed for a moment, then shouted in return.

         "You lie, pirate scum!"

         "Even you can't claim to know that villain Harold the Bloody!"

         "He be my first mate!"

         "Prove it!"

         "Yeah!"

         You can all guess what happened next.


	17. Black Rabbits

**                                                                           Black Rabbits**

"What's going on here?"

"Professor—"

"We didn't—"

"It's not—"

"Shut up all of you! —You, speak."

"I—it was—we didn't mean to—she was asking for it!"

"Then tell me, you pasty-faced rodent, why she has a gag in her mouth and you have a box of tonics from my private collections."

"It's only—"

"I wasn't asking you!  In fact, if you value your spleen you will fetch Madam Pomphrey and the Headmaster immediately.  The rest of you, be silent."   

"Now, brat, spit it out."

"It was just a game, sir."

_One pill makes you larger  
__And one pill makes you small.   
__Go ask Alice  
__When she's ten feet tall._

**.**__


	18. About Them Nargles

(special 2.75x drabble)

** About Them Nargles**

**  
**

"Don't stand there, Harry!" Neville yelped.

Harry looked around him, then at his two classmates. "Why not?"

"There's nargles." Neville looked at Luna as Harry looked above him this time. "Tell him about the nargles."

She sniffled, slightly miffed. "I already told him once last year; he _seemed_ to understand at the time."

"Yeah, I remember," Harry said, frowning at the mistletoe and stepping aside. "What did you say those things were?"

"They're insects that latch onto your skin and suck your blood, like vampires." Neville said. "They leave a nasty bite and they live in mystical plants and trees, where they can fall down on you."

"And then they roost in your hair, grow fat and large from your blood, and have to be taken off with a very precise fire spell or you'll get an infection if not attended to," Luna finished.

Harry started to nod in acceptance, then stopped. "This is a magical creature?" he asked after a second of thinking.

Luna nodded. "Oh yes."

"Oh," Harry said, a bit disappointed. "I thought it sounded kind of like a tick."

"A what?" Neville asked, but they ignored him.

"No, no Harry. Here; look," Luna said, getting excited at the prospect of converting another person. She whispered a spell and the mistletoe clump disconnected from the ceiling and floated down to her hands. She peered at it intensely for a moment, then reached in and picked up a tiny blackish brown speck between her fingernails.

"See?" So they all looked. "This is a nargle."

"That** is** a tick!" Harry retorted indignantly, pointing at it like its existence offended him.

"A what?" Neville said again, and was ignored again. Luna gazed at Harry, mouth open in a little oval of confusion.

"What's a tick?" 


	19. Future: Reciprocity

**Reciprocity**

Ron and Cho have Luna by the elbows, pulling her back toward the door. She struggles in their hands, pushing her weight against theirs. Blonde wisps of hair stick to her forehead with sweat. She makes a grab for Cho's wand but the other girl is too quick and tightens her grip as she steps aside. Luna kicks and pulls but all her adrenaline can't do more than slow them down. They make it through the archway and Harry, standing, sees only the stone slab crash shut on Luna's screaming face.

_ "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU, TRAI—"_


	20. Past: Name Poetry

Luna Lovegood  
English Composition  
3rd hour   
Rm. 16

Name Poetry

**I** nterswitching this here pen  
  
**A** lways try to make it bend

**M** end it only to lose it when  
  
**L** ittle princess by the sea

**U** nder neath the brittle tree

**N** ever knew how to stand

**A** nd always fumbled over land

**L** ike a fish on a plate

**O** ver-frantic, under-ate

**V** aulting out of inquisition

**E** ven birds know the mission

**G** rumble bumble little fly

**O** ver, under in the sky

**O** pen the floor and pop balloons

**D** on't use your feet; try the spoons__


	21. Future: Bodyguard

**Bodyguard**

"It's too taxing to keep cycling people through missions with you than to just assign someone permanent."

"My god, this why none of my missions have been singles in 6th months? I can't believe you would do this to me behind my back!"

"We established a long time ago that he is after you personally and you may not know it but we've stopped 3 assassination attempts in the last four months, so stop bitching Harry!"

"Who is it? I'm stronger than most of the DA, how is someone weaker than me going to protect your precious little commodity?"

"Don't be thick Harry, they don't need to be stronger than you, they just need to have good reflexes."

"Fine. I want Hermione."

"Tsk. You know she can't be spared from tactical. Besides, you need to relax. We already found someone perfect."

"Not… no. Not Zacharius, tell me it's not Zacharius."

"Harry…"

"Absolutely not."

"Well we're strapped for resources: it's him or Luna Lovegood."

"Luna."

"You sure? This is your life we're talking about."

"Shut up. If you have to put me through this humiliating experience, I get to pick my babysitter."

"Lovegood it is then, sir."

"And don't call me that."

.__


	22. So This One Time, At Band Camp…

(For one shining moment I was so incredibly tempted to make this a bestiality fic just to freak the shit out of all of you. Instead I did this. Don't worry, everyone does it. Everyone. Observe my evil snicker.)

**So This One Time, At Band Camp…**

Hands played on her stomach, crisscrossing fingers lightly across her skin. Luna lay back against the pillows, shielded from the other girls by the curtains around her bed. Which was a good thing, because an interruption now would be unpardonably embarrassing for entirely different grounds than she was accustomed to.

With a faint inhalation she arched backward as one of the hands drifted downward, over belly button and then down between her legs. Her knees bent up and she bit her bottom lip as the fingers of the hand worked themselves into her vagina. A name fluttered to her lips, breathless, and then she reached out her other hand to grab her wand.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

(Yes, the wand. The wand. Before you children all run away screaming, repeat after me: "Everyone does it. Everyone.")


	23. I Fought The Law And The Law Won

** I Fought The Law (And The Law Won)**

The corner of the leather wallet peeked out of one of his outer robe pockets. I very casually stepped closer and pretended to be listening to the briefing. The Order was a wonderful evil-fighting club and all, but sometimes these meetings just droned on and _on! _ Still... it did allow me to have some fun. Like the unsavory-looking ex-professor next to me.

I let my fingers slide over unobtrusively. Almost there...almost... got it! I pulled my hand back. It didn't come back. It didn't even budge.

Naturally, I screamed.

"AAAH!"

"What do you think you're doing, lassy?" Mad-Eye Moody said, glaring googly-eyed down at me with one meaty hand around my wrist.

"Oh, I apologize sir... I...I...thought it was a snorkack!"

.


	24. Future: The Other Side

**The Other Side**

"We're here to discuss the mental health of your friend and one-time fellow student."

"I won't give out her personal information to strangers simply because _you_ think she might be acting strange."

"It is not a matter of merely thinking. She poses a clear risk to others as well as herself. You were given the behavior reports."

"She has done nothing wrong! You're threatening to put away an innocent woman because of old prejudices and small-minded fears."

"Nevertheless, these interviews—"

"Interrogations!"

"—have been ordered by the court. Now, Lovegood, let's start at the beginning. How did you meet Ms. Granger?"


	25. Past: First Night

**First Night**

Like all the rest she took her place, spread out her things, made herself at home. She sat in the common room and listened to her classmates speak, even said a few words in turn. It was easy, and people smiled. The grand adventure was just beginning; tomorrow would mean new lessons and new teachers, but it would also mean new skills and new spells and new corridors to get lost in.

Some children (the lonely ones) cried later on, because the first night is always hardest. No one knew anyone yet, after all.

For Luna, the first night was the best.


	26. Package

Hey! It's been a while, I know. Anyway, here's a random little update. Just something that popped into my head. Take it how you will.

* * *

**Package**

Incessant knocking pulled Luna out of sleep and out of a very pleasant food dream. She quietly stormed over to the sill, and opened it, letting in a blast of English spring chill.

"What do you want?" She asked the boy on the broom, lowering her voice for her sleeping chambermates.

The boy held out a package, wrapped in brown paper and an overabundance of tape. "For you."

"From?" she asked, handling it with a reasonable amount of suspicion.

The boy flushed, she could see it even in the dark. "From your 'secret admirer'."

"Oh. Well, that's a new one."


	27. Metaphor

**Metaphor**

Luna didn't care one way or another about muggle things, but she had a passion for puzzles.

Muggle puzzles were the untouched paradise—a world of mind-numbing traps and tricks she'd never seen before. A puzzle that didn't require magical knowledge or skill was as alien to Luna as the concept of a computer. Upon discovery, she latched onto them with a glee normally reserved for issues of her family's magazine.

Sometimes, late at night, she could be found in the Room of Requirement with The Boy Who Lived, learning how to make jigsaws that didn't speak and towers that didn't dance.


	28. Luna Lovegood, Intrepid Reporter

**Luna Lovegood, Intrepid Reporter**

"Who's the half-blood prince?"

"I don't know."

"Please Hermione."

"I don't know."

"I'm collecting information for my father. It's for the Quibbler! It's an exclusive!"

"I don't know."  
"Do you have any leads so far?"

"No."

"Have you been snooping around for any?"

"No, of course not!"

"You don't have to sound offended. That's what you and Harry and Ronald do, isn't it?"

"No!"

"Oh."

"Well, yes I suppose we do sometimes, but we haven't recently. Not about this."

"Hermione?"

"What?"

"What's your favorite dessert?"

"Angel food cake."

"What color is grass?"

"Green."

"Who's the half-blood prince?"

"I don't KNOW!"


	29. Future: There Are No Happy Endings

**There Are No Happy Endings, Because Nothing Ends**

After the war ended, Luna studied anthropological magic. She spent her time in the wilds of the most remote parts of the magical world: jungles in Indonesia; deserts in Africa; mountains in Asia. As a researcher she was paid to learn foreign magic from lesser developed cultures, to incorporate the spells into her studies and to send the results back to the Ministry. It was dangerous (both the work and the locales), but it kept her busy. It kept her from thinking about the friends that died and the man she left behind. It kept her from thinking about anything at all.

* * *

Title from _The Last Unicorn._


End file.
